Yesterday, I decided to start anew with my medical education (especially after these past few rotations in the clinics). It is because of the constellation of symptoms of poor listening skills, forgetfulness, passivity and mediocrity. I have noticed that everything starts with my poor listening skills. Maybe I am thinking too much or focusing too much on my own that I hardly understand what another person in front of me is talking about. (You can check that by randomly asking me what has just been explained by the other speaker.) Add to that my slow comprehension of concepts. Or maybe I am just complicating things so much. Nevertheless, such listening skills and my forgetfulness (that I often whine in previous blogs) results to my passivity. Because of the latter, I am afraid to venture outside my comfort zone. I am always going with the flow and letting others decide for me. My passivity also has led me to assume a lot of things. And believe me, being an “assumptionist”, that is, believing without further reading, asking or clarifying, has made my medical education at stake and ridiculous in lectures, SGDs, preceptorials and exams or even in extracurricular activities. Because of this anxiety to volunteer, participate or lead, I think of myself as a mediocre. Well, nothing is wrong with being a mediocre but I think being one means having an opportunity to excel. Mediocrity is a step before excellence, I think.
I really miss my years prior to medicine. Now I want to struggle for excellence again. And I believe, such struggle does not mean being cutthroat and competitive with others. I just want to excel and surpass my mediocrity. May my Teacher help me. And goodbye, assumptions! Goodbye poor listening skills! Goodbye passivity!