Today I felt sad that my patient Kreng had another hemorrhage because there was L-sided paralysis. Yesterday, she already had ICH. I just feel sad that I picked her as a case for our SGD, and her condition is really toxic, at risk of DIC. But it was not the main thing that is attacking her, but the bleed in the brain. Dra. Go told me that the patient’s parents is about to sign DNR and DNI. That struck me because I could not accept it — she had GCS 15 the whole night although she kept on vomiting and also had headache. I suddenly realized I forgot to pray for her. I also realized how important the monitoring is. Unfortunately, it’s just so hard to monitor every patient in the crowded ward.

*Kreng died probably an hour after I left for my post-duty status.

John Robert was another patient of mine, suffering from leukemia and probably a concomitant liver disease. He was from Virac. So I have been helping and talking to his father in the vernacular. I also introduced them to a classmate from the same town who also extended some help.

*He died after my duty day. I’ve never seen him or their family the following day.

From all these deaths, I realized that I don’t know how to speak to people grieving. I can’t comfort them. I just noticed that no matter how I have helped or communicated with them, I have a hard time comforting them when the patient succumbs to death.

Arvey was another patient. I noticed he has a good smile, but on the first few days only. He was once a patient last August and eventually came back again. There were some difficulty in procuring blood in the blood bank for his transfusion and even on his extremities for CBC. I wouldn’t forget that day when I jokingly said, “bakit ang lungkot  mo? bawal ang malungkot dito” to which her mother replied “masakit daw po kasi ang ulo, doc.” That time when he had severe headache, we requested for a stat CT scan, which showed no bleed. I had high hopes for him.

*But then weeks after I left Pedia, JC, the next SIC of my patients, informed me of his demise. I suddenly felt sad.


I never thought that patients like them really die.


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